I like what I’ve done with being on my own, this time around. I kinda figured I’d just roll on into a relationship pretty soon after the last one, because, to be realistic, I always do. So I figured that in the meantime, I’d explore some things. The state of being single for me used to be a very lonely feeling, and there’s a longing to be sharing something with somebody. It’s validating. And that’s not always a good place to start a relationship from. You [can] end up with some ideal that no partner can live up to, and you both get the short end of the stick. During this time I’ve discovered a little bit about how to be my own partner, and how it feels when I do something nice for myself like preparing a great meal or giving myself a spa day at home.
Most of the things we get out of life are things we work towards in a somewhat linear fashion, but singlehood, as we all know, just suddenly goes away one day. Whether you were seeking it or not.
I’ve noticed also that with e-mail, cell phone, and text messaging, there is far less of a feeling of being alone (unless you want to be alone, then you just switch the power off). Janae, Chrystine, Sandra and I, who were once able to see each other almost every day because we worked together, are able to stay connected in ways we never could have before. There have been times when Sandra and I are on the phone together throughout my entire commute to school, and then through finding parking, getting out, and hiking to class ( it was a twenty minute hike). And I’m keeping her company as she does errands, cleans the house, commutes, etc. Chrystine and I often text each other several times a day. She’s the first to know anything that’s going on with me. And I feel like I’m maintaining a presence in her very stressful life and letting her know that I care, really care, whether or not she’s getting naps, getting through her homework, getting time with her boyfriend, etc. What’s going on with them affects me too. I feel it if they’re sad, and I feel it if they’re happy. Janae and I, who’ve always been especially tight, contact each other whenever and however we can, often resorting to long e-mails at random times that look like a string of headlines. Sandra and Chrystine also talk and text throughout the day. Janae is completely maxed out timewise, so I generally just give them reports on how she’s doing. We are involved in the most minute details of each other’s lives. And if I get busy or feel like having a day all to myself, I just delay returning their contact, and we are all used to each other’s rhythms.
Then up here I have Steph and Aimee. Steph and I exercise together, and She and Aimee talk several times a day. Aimee and I e-mail back and forth, and the three of us try to get together at least once in a while. We try to do a girls’ night, whenever we can, even if it’s just dinner.
And of course, my main go-to’s in person, are the siblings. That’s who I usually want to spend my time with on the weekends, mainly because we are all into the same things, and can casually flow through a day together and have a great time in the process. Sometimes too great, because on more than one occasion I’ve had an actual stomach ache from laughing too hard. I’ve seen that happen to a lot of us.
Me, Janae, Chrystine and Sandra.